


substitute x for y

by fated_addiction



Category: Japanese Drama, The Perfect Insider | Subete ga F ni Naru
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 13:39:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Seeing it is different than reading it," she says pleasantly.</i> Moe, Saikawa, and missing scenes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	substitute x for y

**Author's Note:**

> This _show_. This show! Everything I ever wanted from a crime procedural or crime drama is in one wonderful ball of a show. The chemistry is unreal between these two. And I just _can't_ deal half the time. Anyways, all spoilers up to the most recent episode.

 

 

He has secrets.

 

 

-

 

 

Twice a year, there are articles.

The first couple are always generic. They mark the occasion of company development: Dr. Magata is at the forefront of her field, the research is impeccable, and shareholders are excited. The last one (only one) is usually more of a conversation starter. Remember the murders. Remember how _grisly_ they were. Did you know that the Magata daughter, the family prodigy, is locked away on an island, still conducting research and _well_ , money does buy you everything.

Moe reads with interest. How can she not? Her efficiency needs a break from numbers and programs, spacial awareness and clues. She enjoys the human element. Her uncle worries that she may invest her time with the police academy instead of the university. She could; she doesn't know.

"Saikawa-sensei," she greets with one article. She is late and it's late in the day. They are alone. They are alone a lot though. "Have you read this?"

He clears his throat. He doesn't look up from his computer. "I saw it."

"Seeing it is different than reading it," she says pleasantly. Her lip twitches and she moves to his desk, coffee in hand. She leans against the edge. "You know that," she teases.

He frowns.

"I find her fascinating," she adds.

"Most people do." He glances at her. "It's gossip. You know that."

"But motive is just as fascinating."

He shrugs and leans back in his seat. She looks around the office. Books are spilling out of shelves again. An unfinished model sits on a table. The seminar leader has failed again, she thinks.

"You're curious," he says.

"You have a lot of articles." She's pointed. She doesn't know how to be otherwise. It's even more so after she lost her parents. She doesn't remember her parents outside of photos. "Kunieda-kun was reading one earlier."

"She likes to read."

Moe laughs. "So do you."

He's quiet. She looks up to the clock. Then the routine starts: he pauses working, he pulls back from the desk, he turns his wrist and stares at his watch. She counts in her head. His watch clicks. Then he breathes, his eyes fluttering back to his computer screen.

Her fingers touch a pile of papers. There are no grades.

"You're not like her," she says.

 

 

-

 

 

She cannot say what drives her to meet Dr. Magata. She has the connections. (When she relays this to her uncle, he only regards her with worried fondness and says what he always says: _what can I do?_ ) She can separate herself enough to be faithful to her curiosity. No matter how brilliant, the human mind is still the human mind. And of course, why build yourself into seclusion -- no matter how brilliant, confinement is still confinement.

_if i don't lose interest_

The second time, she is denied. She writes it off with a pleasant shrug. She skips her morning class and the boat ride back is still beautiful. The sun is high enough. The water is calm. It's a simple moment. She thinks of her parents and her mouth twitches, just slightly, because some times she can allow herself that much.

Saikawa's waiting for her when she arrives.

She spots her car first (he borrowed it) and his jacket second (she can't _believe_ he wore that to the staff meeting), sliding her bag over her arm.

"So no." He squints in the sun. His hand shields his eyes. "You didn't see her?"

"No," she nods. She moves and leans against the car with him. Her lips curl. "Apparently, they're working on something -- there's quite the deadline."

"I imagine."

Moe looks up at him. "You were looking forward to a story," she says.

He scoffs.

"You were," she says, half-delighted. Then she pouts. "Should I be jealous?" she teases. He flushes and ducks. She likes teasing him about _them_. "Unfortunately, I come empty handed. I just had tea with my aunt's friend."

"Ah."

"My uncle worries about me," she continues. "I suppose he's trying to relay that through other people. Seeing as I get distracted by -- well, you know."

"Your mind has the capacity for a lot of things," he says dryly, and she hits his arm.

In these moments, she wonders what they look like. She knows what they do sometimes; the other students think they're having an affair, or she's just a girl with a crush. Mostly, it's how she surprises people. She understands how to break things into pieces. It's a skill she is working to hone. Without distractions, Saikawa always says. But she wonders if they're simpler than that, is he handsome, is she glowing, and do they wear years together. It's silly and maybe it's the only silly thing she has left to hold onto.

"Nishinosono-kun --"

"I'm being careful," she interrupts.

"That's not what I was going to say." He's frustrated. His fingers brush her elbow. Then his hand jerks back. "And anyway, if I said be _careful_ you would never listen to me."

Her mouth quirks. He's trying to tease her. She wants to think so, at least.

"True."

She looks up at him though. Her chin tilts up and he meets her gaze. His eyes fall on her mouth and she watches him swallow. He turns into her, but it's just slight. There is enough distance between the two of them.

"Learn to take a step back," he says. "Be objective and partial," his voice drops and his fingers brush over the top of her hand. "Learn to be selfish with your objectivity. These are the things I can give you."

Her lips part. She thinks she hears herself sigh. In the distance, there is another boat horn -- a ferry, she remembers, at three o'clock. She licks her lips. She breathes. In her mind, she counts the distance between them.

"You're a terrible liar, Saikawa-sensei," she says.

His smile is almost wistful.

 

 

-

 

 

He has secrets. She hates that he has secrets.

It hits her then, _really_ hits her then, in Dr. Magata's private lab ( _cell_ ), just as he thrusts himself in front of her, directly in front of her, to open the door where the voice is coming from. Her mind breaks into the layout of the room. There is a place to sleep, a place to eat, and mostly, there is too much space to create. But she is watching Saikawa and his shoulders, just they tense -- he's repulsed, he's delighted; a puzzle is never just a puzzle.

She thinks _i cannot give him up_ and it's almost petulant, in the middle of panic, with two bodies, hysteria, and a murderer among them. Her hand jerks forward and he breaks away with his wrists. All the noise begins to begins to dull and her ears are ringing: gone is the hysteria of the small crowd around them and here, now, is the open cruelty of Magata's personal room.

Saikawa's gaze is bright. 

This is the next lesson after all.


End file.
